As an American citizen, I’m flattered that both Hugo Chavez and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad have invited me for a visit.  I simply don’t know who to choose.  Here’s some of my correspondence: 

Dear Mahmoud,

It’s been a while!   Thanks for your thoughts.  I should say that Hugo has invited me for a visit to Caracas.  Don’t be mad (though I do think he’s handling the oil thing a little better than you). 

   Listen, I know leadership is hard, you know, and people can go a little too far.  It happens.  They’re like animals sometimes!  You turn around and some poor, ignorant religious zealot has done something crazy!  I get that you can’t ask a leader to be too far ahead of his people.

This is also why I support your bid to become a nuclear power.  You’ve got the pole position in that part of the world, and you should just go with it.   You probably know more than you should, and being in charge is never like you thought it’d be.

Don’t have much time so let me just add the I’m-a-humble-man-of-the-people routine might not fly with the Columbia students…you might want to think about a tie.

The only reason I’m telling you this is because I think you’ve got a few converts there….

P.S.  Just wanted to let you know that Sean Penn did visit Caracas.  So, it’s official.  Gotta run.

Yours truly,

An American Citizen.